Last night i saw the comedian Bert Kreischer At komedia in bath. It was the best stand-up show i have ever seen, and i have seen over 40 live stand-ups. I got to meet him at the end, i waited in line with my wife for over an hour, whilst he graciously stood, shirt off, in an empty auditorium, greeting everyone with an engaging smile and effortless charm. He greeted every one as if he knew them personally. It came to our turn, he put out his hand to greet me, looked me right in the eyes, slung an arm round my shoulder, pulled me in for a hug and encouraged me to do the same, he asked my wife if he could do the same to her. the photos were taken and he again extended his hand to me. i thanked him profusely for all the free content he has provided me, by way of podcasts, you tube videos and instagram stories. He shook my hand and said "my pleasure brother" i quickly explained to him that i had, late last year gone to l.a, hoping To see him, but alas he was away gigging in another part of the country, that i had visited the comedy store with the intention of seeing him work on new material but even though he wasn't there i still enjoyed it so much i went back a few days later. He apologised for not being there and again thanked me profusely for the support. I left the venue walking on air. I had had such a good night i completely forgot i even had a jacket when i arrived, it really was such a good night, topped off by meeting a comical hero of mine.
Why then should i feel, about an hour after getting into my hotel room, so very very sad i could almost cry?
I should explain that we are the same age, similar body shape and lifestyle choices, and as far as i can tell from his on stage persona, we think in almost identical circles. the first time i heard him talk was as a guest on the Doug stanhope podcast. listening to him talking to his comedy mentor instantly connected with me, somewhere deep inside at a visceral level i was hooked, I did a deep dive on the man, finding and devouring every article, every youtube clip, I discovered his back story, and that he himself had his own podcast, i downloaded all of them and listened non stop whilst at work (one of the perks of being a van driver). took every opportunity to push my new found hero on those around me. I studied him, how his jokes work. I ended up knowing so much i started to feel like a stalker. I worked out his address, things about his family i had no right to know.
i lay awake for a good hour once i had settled into my hotel bed, trying to figure out why i felt so sad and at the same time so elated? I finally realized that i was feeling a type of bereavement or loss. I had built this gig up so much in my mind it was the most important thing in my life outside my family. Weeks or maybe months before the gig, I stopped listening to his podcast. I didn't want to hear any new material, even in its infancy. this was going to be the best gig ever and i was taking no risks. nothing was going to ruin my night.
And i wasn't to be disappointed, the gig was epic. i loved it and laughed through every minute. I am usually to shy/embarrassed/lacking confidence to meet people i really admire, but there was no way i was missing out on meeting Bert. I got my photo and my poster.
This goes along way to explaining my sadness. i had invested so much energy in him, hung my hat on his comedy as a way of identifying myself. As i write this i have become acutely aware how creepy this sounds. Please be assured I am far too lazy to stalk someone in real life, and far too nervous to make contact in anything more than a reply to a tweet or a retweet. I had formed a totally one sided relationship with a man i had never meet. Not sexual or even very emotianal, but a weird comedy crush. I finally came to the conclusion that the reason i was so sad was because i thought it was over, like a holiday romance i felt genuine loss. i fell asleep in a state of deep despair.
when i woke up all was well in the world, i felt electric. just thinking of the previous night, bought a big cheesy grin to my face instantly. I realized i could see him again, i could start listening to his podcast again. I went outside to vape and told myself what a twat i was.
i started writing this on the train on the way home and as i was, it occured to me that such a massive dump of dopamine and serotonin would no doubt lead to, when it had worn off, some sort of extreme sadness. with such powerful chemicals sloshing round my brain for hours and then mundanity returning there was bound to be a price to pay. I am home now and feel fine again, a little grumpy as i am tired but a good sleep in my own bed will cure that. I know i will go through this again, maybe with bert or another comedian/actor/musician who i feel resonates with my psyche. even though i felt so sad afterwards i will never forget last night. i have never laughed harder longer or with more tears of joy. i hope i do again but if i dont I am happy in the knowledge that, that was my best ever gig.
Why then should i feel, about an hour after getting into my hotel room, so very very sad i could almost cry?
I should explain that we are the same age, similar body shape and lifestyle choices, and as far as i can tell from his on stage persona, we think in almost identical circles. the first time i heard him talk was as a guest on the Doug stanhope podcast. listening to him talking to his comedy mentor instantly connected with me, somewhere deep inside at a visceral level i was hooked, I did a deep dive on the man, finding and devouring every article, every youtube clip, I discovered his back story, and that he himself had his own podcast, i downloaded all of them and listened non stop whilst at work (one of the perks of being a van driver). took every opportunity to push my new found hero on those around me. I studied him, how his jokes work. I ended up knowing so much i started to feel like a stalker. I worked out his address, things about his family i had no right to know.
i lay awake for a good hour once i had settled into my hotel bed, trying to figure out why i felt so sad and at the same time so elated? I finally realized that i was feeling a type of bereavement or loss. I had built this gig up so much in my mind it was the most important thing in my life outside my family. Weeks or maybe months before the gig, I stopped listening to his podcast. I didn't want to hear any new material, even in its infancy. this was going to be the best gig ever and i was taking no risks. nothing was going to ruin my night.
And i wasn't to be disappointed, the gig was epic. i loved it and laughed through every minute. I am usually to shy/embarrassed/lacking confidence to meet people i really admire, but there was no way i was missing out on meeting Bert. I got my photo and my poster.
This goes along way to explaining my sadness. i had invested so much energy in him, hung my hat on his comedy as a way of identifying myself. As i write this i have become acutely aware how creepy this sounds. Please be assured I am far too lazy to stalk someone in real life, and far too nervous to make contact in anything more than a reply to a tweet or a retweet. I had formed a totally one sided relationship with a man i had never meet. Not sexual or even very emotianal, but a weird comedy crush. I finally came to the conclusion that the reason i was so sad was because i thought it was over, like a holiday romance i felt genuine loss. i fell asleep in a state of deep despair.
when i woke up all was well in the world, i felt electric. just thinking of the previous night, bought a big cheesy grin to my face instantly. I realized i could see him again, i could start listening to his podcast again. I went outside to vape and told myself what a twat i was.
i started writing this on the train on the way home and as i was, it occured to me that such a massive dump of dopamine and serotonin would no doubt lead to, when it had worn off, some sort of extreme sadness. with such powerful chemicals sloshing round my brain for hours and then mundanity returning there was bound to be a price to pay. I am home now and feel fine again, a little grumpy as i am tired but a good sleep in my own bed will cure that. I know i will go through this again, maybe with bert or another comedian/actor/musician who i feel resonates with my psyche. even though i felt so sad afterwards i will never forget last night. i have never laughed harder longer or with more tears of joy. i hope i do again but if i dont I am happy in the knowledge that, that was my best ever gig.
No comments:
Post a Comment